My Dream Job!

Dear Homeland Security Director (the REAL one... not that phony one that testifies in front of Congress),

My name is Steve Miller, and this Reuters story about how you have an entire Command Center of people who do nothing but sit around and visit websites all day, got me all excited. In case the many posts praising the holy leaders of Iran and Osama bin Laden, the many posts criticizing Obama, and the talk of RPGs has attracted the attention of your hard-working web-surfers, I want to apply for a position among them!

I would love to get a civil service job and a government pension when I retired after 25 years of sitting in my office and surfing the web all day long. And I know that I would be a motivated and dedicated worker.

I would particularly love to watch movies on Hulu and funny videos on YouTube. It would also be lots of fun to catch up on the news of the day on any number of sites. And constantly updating my Facebook status would be especially exciting. I think my blogs speak for themselves, as far as my ability to waste time on the web.

Feel free to contact me here or however you see fit. If you decide to send an unmarked car to my home or office and sweep me away to an undisclosed location, I prefer non-fat white chocolate mochas, although I will take coffee with milk and sugar as well.

Hoping for the interview in an "undisclosed location",

Sincerely,


Steve Miller



PS: To show my good will, here's a fun cover of "I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me."




And for those of you with a love of the classics, here's the original 1984 Rockwell version... with new visuals for the 21st century.

What part of 'all-American' don't they get?

I think the ninnies who are up in arms over this latest bit of gunk from the "reality show" sewage treatment plant are missing the point, which is expressed, up front, in the show's title "All-American Muslim."

Deputy Chief Mike Jaafar, shown here in uniform. All-American Muslim.

According to Deadline Hollywood -- ‘All-American Muslim’ Loses Advertiser: The docu reality series has lost a major advertiser, Lowe’s, after a campaign by conservative watchdog the Florida Family Association. “The show profiles only Muslims that appear to be ordinary folks while excluding many Islamic believers whose agenda poses a clear and present danger to liberties and traditional values that the majority of Americans cherish," the group posted on its website.

Terrorist Jihadi assholes like Nidal Hassan, Samir Khan, Anwar al-Awlaki, Zachary Chesser, Jose Padilla, Adam "Goat Fucker" Gadahn, and Abu Mansoor Al-Amriki can hardly be described as "all-American." Fortunately, most on that list can be described as "dead" and others as "Bubba's Prison Bitch", but that doesn't change my point: Those assholes are only Americans because their passports say so. They devoted themselves to the destruction of all Americans, so they can hardly be described as "all-American."

Psychopathic Jihadists and those who fantasize about making sweet, sweet love to them are not the subject of "All-American Muslim", as the very title of the show makes clear.

Chief al-Qaeda Zoophile Adam Gadahn,
shown with a table cloth from Gino's Restaurante Italiano on his head.
NOT an All-American Muslim.

Maybe instead of calling for boycotts and trying to stifle free expression the Florida Family Association could direct their energies toward making their own crappy reality show about the self-destructive deviants committed to Jihad?

Then again... real thought and real work would have to go into such a project. I doubt active members of the Florida Family Association spend much time doing either.

Not that I necessarily recommend this or any other reality show (although this is a "docu series" wink-wink), but "All-American Muslim" airs Sundays on TLC. Click here to visit the official site for previews and broadcast times.

Jailbird Parade: Man Sues Couple He Took Hostage

From the Kansas City News, via KMBC: Kansas Man Sues Couple He Took Hostage.

I'm inferring from the linked article about Dirtbag Dimmick that he is representing himself in the breach-of-contract lawsuit against the people held hostage. If I'm right, then he has an idiot for a client. If I'm wrong, is there a way to petition to have his attorney disbarred?

Jesse "Dirtbag" Dimmick is also thinking about suing his dermatologist

Don't panic! It's only a test! The Red Chinese have NOT landed! Nor have the Martians!

A little later today, Wednesday November 9, there will be nation-wise test of the emergency broadcast system. You can read a short article about it by clicking here: National test to verify emergency system

You can find the event described in great detail at FEMA's website by clicking here.

The government is concerned that there are idiots out there who will assume this is a REAL emergency, in part because some local cable and over-the-air broadcasters might be too lazy or incompetent to provide graphics or long enough screen crawls that will make it clear that the activation of the network (today at 11am on the west coat and 2pm on the east coast, which is the same time due to the magic of time zones) is just a test. Of course, many of these are the same people who expected rioting in the streets and cities aflame when UHF stations switched to digital broadcasting, so one has to take their low opinion of the American public into a account.

One also has to wonder what sort of test of a central emergency alert broadcast system is so sloppily run that they haven't taken the time to show that they can actually broadcast. Wouldn't a true test of the system be one where a graphic or screen-crawl stating "This is ONLY A TEST!" transmitted from a central location for the 30 seconds the test will take?

At any rate, unless you see Martian War Machine vaporizing your neighbors, see the Red Chinese Army parachuting into the parking lot at the mall, or zombies shambling down Main Street (although you may have to look closely on that last one... you might mistake a bunch of Occupy Whatever Comes to Mind campers for zombies, or visa-versa), the 30-second disruption of your favorite radio and television shows IS ONLY A TEST.

(Although some cable providers--like Time Warner--have warned that viewers may have to change the channel or regularly programming won't resume. Which makes one wonder who those cable broadcasters survive the local tests of the EAS....)

'Allah's Curse' helped along by firebombing idol-worshipers

French satirical magazine "Charlie Hebdo" announced on Halloween (10/31) that the Prophet Mohammed (may peace be upon him) would guest edit the coming week's magazine. The details were reported here: Prophet Mohammed to 'guest edit' French satirical magazine - Telegraph

Idol-worshipers swung into swift and violent action in defense of the Prophet Mohammed (may peas be upon him) and His holy image. The details were reported here: French satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo firebombed after prophet Mohammed announcement - Telegraph

You can read in the article that Mohammed Moussaoui, president of the French Council for the Muslim Faith (CFCM), said he "firmly condemned" the arson attack if it proved criminal. That begs the question, Mr. Henry Samuel of "The Telegraph," since we can't be sure if you got this guy's statement right since you only quoted two words, when is a Molotov cocktail thrown through a window not criminal?)

And if Mr. Henry Samuel of the Telegraph DID quote him accurately, is it an insult to the Prophet Mohammed (may pizza be upon him) if you're a dumb-ass while sporting His name? If this is the case, would it be criminal to firebomb Mohammed Moussaoui home?

Nonetheless... "Allah's Curse" once again appears to be helped along by idol-worshiping psychopaths. At least this time, they didn't murder anyone.

Which brings us to the ceremonial Mohammed Cartoon in honor of his faithful worshipers.

Something for Seattlites to do on Halloween!

Are you one of those people who like to duck trick-or-treaters on Halloween? If so, Washington's Twelfth Night Productions is here to help!

This weekend--including on Halloween Night, Oct. 31--they are performing a recreation of Orson Welles's legendary "War of the Worlds" adaptation... the one that caused panic on the East Coast when listeners became convinced aliens really had landed and were firing death rays with wild abandon.

Click here for curtain times and more information.

McDonald's McRib sandwich returns!

And there was much rejoicing!

McDonald's McRib sandwich returns for second year in row | Reuters:

"It [the wondrous sammich that is the McRib] unfortunately does attract people, but does not contribute to a healthy diet," said Heather Morris, a dietitian at the Chicago-area Loyola University Medical Center.

Killjoy.

If you ask me, anyone who in 2011 eats at McDonald's and excepts a healthy diet deserves clogged arteries and massive strokes.

Nigerian pleads guilty to underwear bomb attack

This just in:

Jihadist pleads guilty to setting own penis on fire while attempting to murder innocent people on a Detroit-bound plane: "If you laugh with us now we will laugh with you later on the day of judgment," Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab said.

To which I respond: Sorry, Hot Rod. I'm too busy laughing AT you and your fellow misbegotten, moronic Lions of Islam to laugh with you.

I hope you rot in prison for a very long time. And I hope they laugh with you, as your cellmate wages Jihad on your ass.

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab: Lion of Islam,
who aspired to turn his penis into Allah's flaming sword!
(Abdulmutallab is noted as the brightest follower of Anwar al-Awlaki.)

Oh No! Al-Qaeda is mad & threatening to kill us!

BlahblahblahAllahblahblahblahJiIIIIHAAAAAAAADblahblahblahDEATHTOAMERICAAAAAAAblahblahblahRRRRRRREVENGEblahblah.

Al-Qaida confirms killing of US-born "cleric": Al-Qaida's Yemeni offshoot on Monday confirmed the killing of U.S.-born militant cleric Anwar al-Awlaki late last month and vowed to avenge the propagandist's death.

Anwar al-Awlaki is presently being raped by demons in Hell, so it's a win for the good guys.

Still, he was held high regard by some, so I want to acknowledge his legacy, as respectfully as I know how... by posting a few cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed. He loved looking at them so much that he issued a death warrant on cartoonist Molly Norris when she apologized for offending idol-worshipers like al-Awlaki and promised not to draw any more Mohammed cartoons.

I hope Satan gives you a break between rape sessions, Anwar. It would be a shame if only your loyal followers got to see this small tribute to your legacy.

And, finally, an image of The Man Himself, as he would want to be remembered... surrounded by family and all he held dear.

Peace in our time?

Huda Naccache has become the first Christian Isreali model to appear in a bikini on the cover of an Arab magazine.

The photo-shoot took place in Haifa in northern Israel on September 18, 2011. The 22-year-old long-limbed model's appearance on the cover of an Arab-Israeli magazine clad in a skimpy bikini has sparked a media frenzy in Israel and who-knows how much masturbation in the halls of government in Gaza.

Read about more it here, as well as the on-going media frenzy in Isreal: AFP: Arab-Israeli model takes on critics... in a bikini.

Personally, I'm a-feared for the earthquakes Huda might bring upon us, even if this is a great omen for peace in the Middle East. Maybe God/Allah/the Great Pumpkin approves and He he'll let the whole "immodest women" thing slide this time?

Click here to enjoy more pictures of Huda. (Assuming you won't feel guilty about raising the risk of earthquakes.)

Westboro Baptist Church Announces Protest of Steve Jobs’ Funeral…on the iPhone

Um....

Mike Flynn has some commentary here, as well as an invitation to make your own Phelps jokes.

Me, I'm starting to wonder of the Westboro Baptist Church hasn't been the longest-running piece of performance art in the history of the world, starring a group of masters of dark satirical comedy.

I mean, no one can possibly be THAT stupid, can they?

Al-Qaeda's Anwar al-Awlaki reported killed

According to reports, al-Qaeda "cleric" Anwar al-Awlaki has been killed together with "companions."

It's getting pretty bad for al-Qaeda these days. They can't even have their weekly gay orgies without risk of assassination anymore.

For more details, click to read the story from Reuters: Yemen says al Qaeda cleric al-Awlaki killed

More details as they become available.

(Regular readers of this blog may remember that Awlaki is the American traitor who ordered his fellow psychotic Mohammed-worshiping death-cultists to murder cartoonist Molly Norris after she made the mistake of apologizing to the "Muslim community" for offending them. They essentially succeeded in murdering Norris, as she was forced to change her name and go into hiding. On a positive note, Awlaki helped establish Mohammed Mondays over at my Shades of Gray blog.

Anwar al-Awlaki

Will I have to stop disliking the French?!

This may be the Broken Clock Effect in action!

French want Palestinians to drop UN membership:

Maybe there's going to be change... but not the sort of change that Abbas was hoping for. Maybe cartoons like this one will stop being true.

There is a future in feces!

Jennifer Hale was quoted as saying, "There is a future in feces."

While that might lead one to think she's a spokesperson for Warner Bros. or some other major media company, Ms. Hale actually works for the Denver Zoo and she was discussion panda poop:

Panda Poop Could By Key To Producing Biofuels « CBS Denver: "The waste of one of the world’s most endangered animals may hold the key to producing biofuels. The potency of the discovery had scientists talking about it at a major chemistry conference in Denver on Monday."

Sure would be nice if there's something to this crap!

Gaza film-makers decry Hamas censorship

From Reuters....

Four years into Islamist Hamas rule, cultural censors are fraying the already threadbare local movie industry. Culture Ministry director Mustafa al-Sawaf is quick to crack down on content that does not conform to Hamas edicts."

It's hard to get outraged, because their friends and neighbors (and possibly even these filmmakers themselves) elected these Hamas freaks to be their oppressors.

And Jimmy Carter says Hamas are great guys, so that's that.

(Yes... there is much sarcasm above. Jimmy Carter remains a prick of the highest order. And my guess is that many of the poor Palestinians were motivated to cast ballots for Hamas by the same impulse that drove many Americans to vote for Obama--they wanted anyone but the people that were in charge at the time. At least we didn't end up with a pack of psychopaths holding the reins of government.)

Even terrorists are suffering in the global economic downturn

Oh, the pain of the global economic crunch. Today, Jerusalem Post Online reports that the terrorist group chosen by election to lead the Palestinians haven't been making payroll.

Hamas also faces financial crunch

In other news, the Guardian reports that al-Qaida In Iraq has dropped all pretenses of being anything but a collection of psychopathic criminal thugs as they launch a fund-raising drive to solve their need for cash and turn to their sick admirers. Gotta pay for those male prostitutes after all. (Actually, cutting back on male prostitutes might solve some of Hamas's financial woes, too.)

Al-Qaida in Iraq explores new ventures in fundraising drive

Illo by Randy Pollack

Gosh... I can't imagine who might be behind it

Oslo explosion: seven dead, dozens injured after bomb blasts blast - Telegraph

Maybe the Basques have moved northward to Norway. Or maybe some retired IRA guy decided to set off a few bombs for old times sake. Or maybe American neo-Nazis are upset because the Norwegians haven't been upholding the Viking traditions firmly enough.

I mean.... it couldn't possibly be friends of these guys, could it?

After all, Islam is a peaceful religion.

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning

The famous Catherine Aird quote is very applicable to this fellow's demise. Somehow, I think he ended up making a very different point than what he was going for.

NY motorcyclist in helmet protest hits head and dies

There are many who may or may not be following in his skid marks, however. Like these braniacs:

Please. Don't be "that guy." I like my motorcycle-riding readers to stay alive. If you don't order a helmet from Amazon.com with the links below, please get one from somewhere.






(For what it's worth, I don't necessarily agree with helmet laws, but there's no question that there are some people so stupid they need to be protected from themselves.)

I may ruin a festive atmosphere tonight....

I may be throwing a metaphorical "Molotov Cocktail" into a room this evening. And it will all be Madonna's fault.

Why? Well, I'm glad you asked!

It seems that Madonna is no better a director than she is an actor if the dirge-like "buzz" surrounding the 25 million dollar picture "W.E.", about a British royal scandal in the 1930s, is any indication.

The Daily Mail Online presents a round-up of gossip regarding her troubled, will-be/might-be feature film debut that was pulled at the last minute from this year's Cannes festival due to supposed soundtrack problems, and distributor Harvey Weinstein is currently overseeing the re-cutting after it reportedly bombed with a test audience at a super-secret screening last week. The film, apparently, made no sense and was a stellar example of what happens when someone who emphasizes style of substance is also a lousy storyteller.

If you are so inclined, you can read all about in Imperious, arrogant, stroppy: No, not Wallis Simpson but Madonna, but this is the following bit that really interested me:

"In an interview Madonna remarked: ‘I’ve found that if you bring up King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson at a dinner party or a social gathering, it’s like throwing a Molotov cocktail into the room. Everyone erupts into an argument about who they were. I mean, they were very controversial — and continue to be. So, of course, I’m very attracted to that.’"

Madonna, wearing her 'serious filmmaker' face

Is King Edward VIII of Great Britain and his love for an American divorcee a topic that comes up at parties you attend, dear reader? And when it does, does it lead to explosive arguments or just blank stares and polite smiles as those around think, "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Would anyone even know who Wallis Simpson is?

Perhaps it's a British thing?

I'm going to ask at a gathering I'll be at tonight if anyone has an opinion about King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson. I'll report what happened tomorrow, in the comments section below.

If it turns out that I completely ruin the congenial atmosphere, I will be all apologies and explain that I was testing a claim by Madonna. They will understand; I am viewed as being insane anyway.

Meanwhile, if anyone reading this wants to see what happens if bring up Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson to a group of your friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or whoever you happen to be in line with at the grocery store, I'd love to hear your report. (I won't provide your bail money if a riot breaks out at the Safeway. Not that I think that's going to happen.)

(BTW, if the subject of Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson pisses people off, then why is the Material Girl bringing it up at parties? Does she do it when she wants to leave, when she doesn't like the hosts, or just because she's a bitch who likes to ruin a pleasant time? Me, I think it's none of the above, but that Madonna has a rich fantasy life. But, we will soon know!)

Maybe Goebbles did the world a favor

When the defeat of Hitler's Nazi regime by the Allies was a certainty, the Mustachioed One took the coward's way out and committed suicide. The same is true of his top propaganda minister Goebbles, but Goebbles did Hitler one better when he murdered all his children as well.

I always thought that Goebbles act demonstrated as clearly as possible what kind of monster he really was, but then this article comes along to make me rethink that position.

Nazi Grandma: Himmler’s Daughter Carries Her Father’s Flame To A New Generation of Nazis

Maybe Goebbles did the world a favor when he offed the foul demon children that sprang from the union of himself and the beast he was married to. His actions made certain there were fewer bitches like Gudrun Burwitz infesting Planet Earth.

Dramatic re-inactment of a typical evening for Gudrun Burwitz in 1944